One more price of Freedom

Many hours of news coverage and commentary by "experts" was spent this weekend discussing the comments made by President Trump regarding fact that a few athletes decided to take a knee rather than salute the flag during a football game. 

While I understand the initial reaction, and personally would never even consider this level of disregard for the sacrifice of our men and women in uniform I'm finding myself forced to admit to some hard truths that make me wonder what the President was thinking.

This kind of protest and more importantly the right to exercise it is exactly what so many of our friends and family members sacrificed so much to defend.  Just off the top of my head I can name more than 30 people who I grew up with that went into the service after high school, at least two of whom are still on active duty more than 20 years later.  My father, two cousins, two uncles, a great uncle, and now two nephews have made the same sacrifice.

I am forced to consider that sacrifice in acknowledgment of a deeper truth: that the ability to do stupid and disrespectful things like insulting our Nation, it's flag, and even it's Commander in chief is one of the fundamental freedoms that set America apart from the other nations of the world, and exactly what they all gave so much to defend.

My personal opinion, and even that of the President can't change that any more than it can stop the disgust I feel as the descendant of Jewish immigrants when seeing a Nazi flag carried down the street by teenage idiots with no concept or concern for the visceral response it provokes not only in people who share my heritage but from the Veterans who were in Europe during the 2nd World War fighting to make sure that symbol of hatred never flew over any nation again.

While I will continue to salute the flag when appropriate, and certainly have raised my children to do the same, we as citizens need to realize that one of the costs of Freedom; that the people who we disagree with have just as much right to exercise freedom of speech and expression as you, I, and yes even the President.  For better or worse that right does not carry with it a requirement to be thoughtful, considerate, or intelligent.  

Milestone days

There are days that are important in life.  Days that matter.  Days that stick out in our past that we will never forget no matter what else we experience in the future.  Today didn't feel like one of those days when I woke up, but as I'm writing this I know that it is. 

Some of those important days in my past I had to endure rather than celebrate, like the first time I celebrated a birthday without my dad.  Some of them I didn't know were important milestones until weeks or months after they had passed like the day I met my amazing wife.  Rarely but thankfully some of them I have recognized as special as they were happening, and that meant I could capture them in detail and save a piece of that day forever.

As I sat with my wife and family watching my son enter the gym of his High School in his cap and gown this afternoon the importance of the day hit me full force.  I experienced something that connected me to what my parents felt 22 years ago when I made a similar journey into a similar gymnasium 60 miles from here.  I flashed back in that instant to the moment eleven years and fifty-one weeks ago when my son walked with my daughter out of their foster home to our car for their first overnight visit to our home.  I recalled all the visits to school principals, counsellors, IEP meetings, and case workers.  My son has come so far from the lonely broken little boy we adopted that some of those memories shocked me to think about. 

When we met with his first grade teacher we were told our son had severe learning issues and radical social interaction problems.  We were cautioned that he was more than 18 months behind his peers academically and he might never catch up in a traditional classroom environment.  Carrie and I agonized over what to do, but after a lot of prayer and counsel decided we would hold him back a year but not let them give up and move him into special education classes. 

There are many of those moments from my past I'm proud of, and many more I'm not.  There is nothing that gives me more pride than seeing what my boy was able to accomplish today.   It wasn't easy for him.  He had to work hard and find his own ways to make sense of the world around him.  He had to study harder than I did at his age because things didn't come as easily to him.  He never backed down.  Never quit trying.  Never let anyone tell him something was beyond his ability.  And today that little boy they said needed special education graduated with honors.  

So it's one of those days, and I couldn't be happier.

Whiskey with Friends: Two very different whiskeys

When my buddy Keith asked if I wanted to get together to catch up on life this week I started thinking about what whiskey I was going to take with me.  When the forecast called for a dry warm spring evening (rare here in Oregon) I knew we would be sitting around the fire. 

I decided on two different whiskeys, one that I had tasted but never reviewed and a new and exciting single malt that says fire pit and barbecue the minute you taste it.  I.W. Harper is an old brand recently relaunched after being pulled from the shelves of U.S. stores in 1980 when Bourbon was losing popularity to scotch and other liquors to preserve it's brand identity in Japan.  Once the most famous bourbon in the world, by 1966 it was available in 110 countries and the best selling bourbon worldwide, becoming immortalized as the drink of 007 in Ian Fleming's 1963 novel "In Her Majesty's Secret Service".  35 years later I.W. Harper is back, and once again being distilled at the old Bernheim Distillery in Louisville, KY.  In contrast we have the Colkegan from Sante Fe Spirits in Sante Fe, NM.  Sante Fe Spirits has a unique process, and it's best to use the information from their website to describe it:

"Like its Scottish single malt cousins, Santa Fe Spirits’ Colkegan Single Malt Whiskey is made entirely from malted barley, carefully distilled, and aged and finished in various oak casks to enhance the complex flavors inherent to true single malt whiskey. But there are key differences that set this remarkable spirit apart from its Scottish relatives.

While peat-smoked malt has always been a key ingredient in many well known Scotch whiskies, Santa Fe Spirits’ Colkegan Single Malt Whiskey’s wonderfully complex flavor profile benefits from a very different type of smoked malt utilized by no other distillery in the world. The result is a smooth, mellow, mysteriously balanced hint of smoky complexity unique to Santa Fe Spirits.

Santa Fe Spirits’ Colkegan Single Malt Whiskey’s unique barrel aging process also separates it from its low-altitude relatives. Santa Fe Spirits is located 7,000 feet above sea level in the high desert and utilizes a climate-controlled barrel warehouse with temperatures ranging from freezing cold to swelteringly hot, and humidities ranging from bone dry to unbelievably damp. A strict regimen of climate changes yields a spirit with amazing complexity unrivaled by more temperate warehouses."

The I.W. Harper is a full bodied and complex whiskey.  The nose is sweet, with strong notes of caramel and honey.  It starts with that same sweetness on the front of the palate, followed quickly by a faint leather and wood flavor, finishing smoothly in sweet honey and green grass bordering on citrus.  A wonderful whiskey to sip any time, and a quick hit with everyone tasting this night.

The Colkegan is an interesting taste.  On the nose it is remarkably sweet.  Caramel and almost butterscotch tempt you to taste.  Once you do you are quickly surprised by the unique smoke that sets Sante Fe's process apart:  rather than smoking the malted barley with peat they use what is available in the desert southwest, mesquite.  The amazingly full flavored smokiness of the whiskey dominates, and quickly fades leaving a vague sweet honey aftertaste that you never fully taste on the palate.  This is the perfect whisky to sip in front of the fireplace or even better around the campfire on a summer night.

The folks at Caskers.com came through again, and I look forward to more time with friends sitting around and sipping great whiskey.

Time passes, life changes

Seventeen years ago today my life was a lot different than it is now, and what I thought my life would end up looking like bears no resemblance to current circumstances.  I was living in the house I grew up in down in Woodburn, OR back then.  I worked as a Tier 2 support representative for Dell computers and had just broken up with a long distance girl friend who lived in New Jersey.  The breakup had been rough enough on me that I was thinking leaving my job and becoming a monk at the Mt. Angel Abbey might be a good way for me to put my years of religious study to use. 

One year to the day later would find me waking up in a hotel room with my little brother the day before my wedding.  It was the kind of change only God could bring into reality.  I had met an amazing woman, my career had taken off and I was now managing technical support team I was part of the year before.  Carrie and I would be moving into the first home I would ever own instead of rent.  And still, on that day I had the audacity to think I knew what my future might hold.  Kids, career growth, I was thinking this was a sign it was all going to get better from here.  

Our Wedding party, March 4th 2000

Fast forward four years and life hasn't been what that 24 year old dreamed and planned for the day before his wedding.  We bought a new house to be closer to my job and I was later off a month later.  My dad went in for an angiogram and never made it out of the hospital after bypass surgery led to a fatal secondary infection.  The kids we had hoped would come right away doctors are telling us will never come.  The difference is now I'm not alone, I have an amazing wife, and we are resolved to follow the path God puts us on instead of worrying about what we don't have that we had anticipated and dreamed of. 

So 12 years ago today Carrie and I were in the hotel room she had booked for a romantic weekend to celebrate our 4th Anniversary.  Instead of celebrating we were pouring through hundreds of pages of case files, praying about whether a young brother and sister were supposed to be our kids.  One year to the day later, a process the State DFS worker told us takes 18-24 months was finished and a family court judge signed the papers changing their names and making them ours forever. 

Our family is official, with the Judge and DFS case worker

Fast forward 11 years and our lives have certainly changed and been stretched by these two amazing additions to our family.  That cute little boy, who came to us with reports from school that he had a hard time learning is about to graduate from High School with a better than 3.0 GPA.  His little sister, who we were warned had more severe learning issues and may always need occupational therapy starts her first job in 2 hours and will graduate next year.  Carrie is in LA today, but is flying all night to make it home so that we can celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary tomorrow.

Tonight, I get to take my son and daughter to dinner to celebrate another Adoption Day.

It's beginning to feel a lot like....Wednesday

This time of year is different for everyone I guess.  How we feel about the the "Holiday Season" is shaped pretty strongly by our past experiences, our childhood memories, and in some cases unfortunately family drama.  My Christmas memories are pretty full of all three to be honest, but it has always been a time of year when I was excited.  I was eager to see if I made the right gift choice for a loved one.  I was anticipating vacation time with the family, even if it just meant more time sitting home playing games or watching TV together.  I couldn't wait for the feast that was Christmas Dinner, and the traditions that came with it like my Mom's ambrosia salad or my Uncle's Strudel. 

This year the holidays are here, and it doesn't feel like I'm two days before Christmas.  We've got the tree up, but at this point we haven't even gotten any presents under it.  Carrie and I have gotten some of what we wanted to get for the kids this year, but have been so busy with critical issues over the last few weeks that shopping has fallen off the radar.   

Christmas dinner, a Fat Boy's holy meal holds no promise this year with a restricted diet eliminating 75% of the food I would be looking forward to on our dinner table.  If I was feeling better for it I probably wouldn't sound so resentful saying that, but after a week the digestive problems restrictions are supposed to be solving aren't improved and even more foods are being eliminated from my diet. 

Old friends and family are still grieving the loss of a close friend from my school days who's decline started around Thanksgiving and whom passed on December 4th.  As I write this my Mother-in-law is asleep in a chair at the hospital bedside of her husband, and I'm getting ready to head back to the hospital to join them while we try to find answers as to why my father-in-law who really has become "Dad" in the 16 years of my marriage had a series of seizures last night after several strokes in the last couple of months.  

With his condition as serious as it is I've spent much of the last two days preparing myself that he might not make it to Christmas.   I've had to hold volunteers together at the pantry we run as a family and church body, weighing keeping volunteers (who have become like family to all of us) informed, against the immediate family's need for SOME privacy and the need to keep things on track so that the more than 200 families that depend on is for food every week aren't adding food to their list of burdens this Christmas week. 

With all of this going on its easy to justify why the "Joy of the Season" seems to be in short supply.  Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers this week.  I'm heading back to the hospital, you have a Merry Christmas everyone.

Who knits a sweater for a bottle of ginger ale?

There are some things that you learn in bourbon country that don't happen anywhere else.  There are bourbons that you can only find there like Kentucky Spirit and Ancient Ancient Age.  You also learn that for more than 75 years most of the state has relied on a local bottling company called Ale-8-1 for its primary mixer, not the international brands.  It's a brand so much a part of the bluegrass tradition that the name isn't enunciated any more, it's called "A Late One" instead.  

So I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that a beverage that is loved this much arrived with sweaters.  And not just sweaters, but sweaters that were knit with the sodas name and a winter design. 

I gotta tell you, I've always loved ginger ale with whiskey.  Until the first time a bartender handed me "a late one and rye".  When the label described it as "Crisp, clean, real Ginger with a hint of Citrus" they are under selling the difference it makes. Now ginger ale just won't cut it.

It isn't widely known or distributed, but thanks to the miracle that is the internet you can buy it online direct from the company. 

Do yourself a favor and keep some stocked in your fridge or wet bar. 

Yesterday was an off day around here....

I said goodbye to an old friend yesterday.  In some ways it was exactly what I thought it would be.  Not much has changed in the funeral mass of the Catholic Church since the 2nd Vatican council approved the move to an English mass after all.

Other things  (mostly people), surprised me.  People who I never would have bet against making it were missing for a variety of reasons.  People I don't remember having a kind words for Packy in High School were crying like it was their son and not Tom and Sally's first born that was taken much too young.

I understand no one knows what to say all the time at these things.  I knew his mother just needed a lot of hugs, because she reached for one any time I was within arm's reach.  She also needed to know she wasn't losing all contact with us just because he was gone.  One thing I have come to realize over the years since high school is that there are some relationships that just ARE. I had not seen Sally in more than twenty years when I walked into that church yesterday, but the hug I received and the obvious thankfulness that I had made it there to be with the family didn't need explanation.  

With his Dad, who had lost his firstborn son and with whom I should have been able to empathize, I know I came off sounding like a freshman on one of his intro to journalism classes.  We had a strong student-teacher dynamic in school but it wasn't very deep or personal.  Why is the first thing we ask "How are you doing?" Or "Are you ok?"????  Shouldn't we know the answers to those two questions without opening our mouths and looking like morons?  We say them anyway, especially or maybe because we don't know what else to say when we know Ok is at a minimum weeks away, and there is still a lot of shock and grief for us all to work through before we can really know how we are coping with this loss.

On one side of the gymnasium we had a family clearly grieving.  Sisters, brothers, aunts, and uncles.  Among them were a scattering of good friends that either now or at various times in the past felt like part of the family.  We were standing around sharing stories about Patrick that made us laugh or cry.  Often stories that needed to be protected and remembered but not amplified by the PA system.  From this group came a stream of people to the microphone to share stories with a wider audience  about the amazing and complex person who the world had lost.

On the other side of the room were a lot of Packy's former classmates, probably some friends and associates from work.  Those who felt for whatever reason socially obligated to be there.  They hit the buffet line, and milled around in the corner furthest from the PA so there was less chance anyone would ask them to say a few words. 

We're all supposed to be adults now.  All around forty (some much older) with lives, jobs, and many of us with kids of our own.  Yet to hear half of the conversation my peers had today you would think they were still living in fraternity houses.  The number of people talking about parties I threw in the early '90s shocked me, and some of the best parts were my knowledge that the guy talking was no where near my party that night.  I hate to reduce myself to a variation on a pop culture reference that will be dated before most people read this post, but - Do you even funeral bro??

As things were winding down I was going to get together with some of the guys for some drinks and reality intruded.  My daughter started texting me about power flickering and water dripping from the ceiling. 

I get home and the dogs are barking, and product is waiting in boxes to be reviewed.  I opened the first and it's candy, and in my mood that works great.  It is a sample pack from a local confectionery we have reviewed before, The Candy Basket.  This sampler contains Red Velvet Fudge, Pecan Rolls, and Divinity.  All are done to perfection, and arrived fresh and soft to my door..  I can also confirm that they all pair well with both Teeling Irish Whiskey and Barterhouse 20yo Bourbon from the Orphan Barrel Collection that I also have sitting there needing to review.  I know, I have a hard job sometimes.

The sampler from The Candy Basket includes from left to right Divinity, Pecan Rolls, and Red Velvet Fudge  

I know it looks like a problem, but the flasks in this picture are water bottles from FRED Flask.  Look for a full review of them soon. 

The Teeling you've probably seen reviewed here before.  It is by far my favorite everyday Irish Whiskey and for good reason.  The sweetness it gains from its time in Caribbean rum casks truly set it apart.

Barterhouse is an extremely limited edition, bottled by hand from "Orphaned Barrels" 

The Barterhouse Orphan Barrel release is something that you don't find every day, and I am telling you right now, you better start looking.  Several barrels were found in the back corner of an old rickhouse outside of Tullahoma, KY after sitting forgotten for almost twenty years.  What begins on the nose as honey and biscuits along side faint hints of buttercream opens up into bold roasted grain, mellow toasted tobacco and marshmallow to compliment the subtle smoke from the barrel and finishes with hints of nutmeg and brown sugar.  Never have I tasted a bourbon that was at once as complex and as smooth, especially after twenty some years in the barrel.  I'm going to have to hunt some more down, because I don't want ever reach for this and find the bottle empty.

So, that was another day in Fat Boy Heaven.  Sorry if it started a little bit too personal and uncomfortable.  I've decided that the only way I can write is to actually engage my mind, that means sometimes the truth as I know it might hit your screen. 

My love, prayers, condolences, and thanks go out to the Eichsteadt/Mitcheltree clan.  We all shared in the joy and happiness Patrick brought into our lives, thank you again for allowing us to join you in saying goodbye.

Ve con Dios old friend. 

A weird sleepless night....

Here in the Pacific northwest it's another wet and windy night in a time of year known for wet and wind.  The weather isn't what is keeping me up tonight though.  I'm not worried about the wife and kids any more than usual.  They are all asleep, the wife 3000 some miles away until tomorrow night. 

What's keeping me awake tonight are thoughts of a good friend from high school that somehow I let time and distance sweep out of my life.  We lost him last week, and family and friends are poised to gather tomorrow morning to say goodbye.  Not past 40 years old and gone.  The medical cause of death is complicated,  but the bottom line is addiction and his personal demons lost their fight with his better angels. 

I know he had better angels.  We grew up close to each other in a town that wasn't very big anyway.  His dad taught our journalism class in high school. His mom was one of our youth leaders at church.  Something happened though.  Where I was able to wander in and out of party life in high school, and drink whisky all night tonight and not need a drink in the morning he couldn't.

I know it's insensitive and politically incorrect for me to be sitting here drinking a bottle of Irish whisky while I talk about losing a friend to alcohol, but it's my website.  I didn't know this was the direction my words would take me when I poured the drink and started writing. 

What I did know is that losing Patrick drove home that even the best of us can be lost in the blink of an eye.  He was a gentle soul who loved art and photography for all that he tried to talk rough sometimes in school.  It also made me wonder what is it that has made some relationships hold on over time and some fade into the background. 

 Twenty-one years ago when we graduated I never would have bet that Packy and I would go almost twenty years without talking to or even seeing each other.  Of course three years before I graduated I would have bet against making it to 25 myself.  Time can change your life and your priorities.

So tonight I think about the unfortunate twists and turns that separated friends, and lift a few glasses of my favorite Irish whisky while I wish an old friend was here to share it with me. 

Whisky Review: Lagavulin 16yo Distillers Edition

Tonight a good friend that I don't get to spend much time with due to geography came by to catch up, and we decided to sample a few whiskys while he was here.   

As a big scotch guy Lagavulin is one of his favorites, so when I pulled this off the shelf his eyes bugged out.  Labeled bottle 4/504 and distilled and barreled in 1998 this is a double matured Scotch that was sure to meet our expectations. 

As an "Islay" Single Malt Lagavulin is known for a strong smokey flavor, and this bottle did not disappoint.  Straight from the bottle the nose had notes of dried stone fruit and burnt sugar.  The taste started with smooth but strong smoke, which was quickly joined by leather and mild tobaccos before fading into smooth caramel and vanilla.

As my readers know by now I'm not typically a single malt fan, but this will stay in my cabinet for special occasions. 

Monthly boxes of random coolness (and sometimes crap)

I realized as I was sitting in the dentists office waiting for my son and daughter to finish that it had been a while since I had posted anything about the random unsolicited boxes of products I have received.

Some of these boxes I expect every month from subscription services hoping for publicity like the great folks at GeekBox and Wet Shave Club.  Others show up out of the blue, like the tshirt and sweatshirt that arrived with the "Last Star Fighter" logo shortly after I reposted an article about a sequel to that amazing movie being in the works.  Sometimes the contents are worth keeping, sometimes they are worth passing on to Jimmie and other friends, or handing to the wife and kids. Once in a while they are barely worth the room they take up in the trash can. 

Here come the pictures and descriptions, I'll come back through when I get time and add links where I can tomorrow.  Enjoy! 

This liquor infusion kit from TongueSpank Spice Co. was a welcome arrival

This hoodie and matching tee came from the production folks behind the new Last Starfighter movie

These are just some of the tees to arrive from the guys at pop-up-tees this month

Zac Brown Band sent us a few copies of their newest album.  If you haven't yet, buy it now. 

May's monthly box from the guys at Birchbox included no-show liners from the folks at Taft in addition to the normal variety of grooming samples

This month finally brought the release of the Nüüd for iPhone 6 Plus from the folks at Lifeproof.  I've been amazed at how long it has taken some companies to get precision manufactured cases on the market for the 6 Plus, but this is by far the most durable case you will find, especially when combined with a ballistic glass screen protector. 

GeekFUEL's theme this month was Teams, and featured items surrounding comic and movie teams like the Avengers and TMNT

As I've written about before, one of the most important items in my gear bag is a large battery pack to keep my devices charged.  This aluminum number from EliteBuy was on sale for just $30 on Amazon and is rated at 10000mAh, or around four full charges for your iPhone.  The color didn't win me over but construction was solid

This pack from Aukey, who are quickly becoming one of my favorite accessory companies was on sale for $20 when they sent it for review.  It features auto sensing technology that adjusted the output on the USB ports to charge devices as quickly as they would take power, and more importantly reduce output when your device gets closer to fully charged or is a lower powered device.  Very important to prevent overheating, especially when they are carried together in a gear bag. 

This cool tabletop BX Bluetooth speaker from GoGroove is part of their BlueSYNC line.  While it's dual drivers and multiple input sources are pretty standard, and it's wood grain finish helps it fit in nicely on my night stand, GoGroove is hopeful that what will set this product line apart from the masses is the addition of a removable and rechargeable battery that is interchangeable with the other speakers in the lineup. 

The newest kid on the "lets throw together a box of stuff geeks and fanboys will like every month and see if they will pay to get surprised" block is NerdBlock, and they didn't do too bad with their first box.  I'll reserve final judgment on the company as a service until we get six months in, but I'm not upset by what I've seen yet. 

The Foldio 2 from the folks at Orange Monkie is the perfect mobile photo studio

Well, that was most of the assorted stuff that came in May.  I have some other reviews to get caught up on, and some great recipes to post for you guys.  Stay tuned. 

I'm sitting in church...

Jun 21, 2015 10:23 AM 

It's been a crazy week.  Not just for my family but for our nation and our world.

A madman walked into a church and killed nine of Gods children just four days ago.  I wish as I was writing this I could say this was a unique occurrence but we live in a world where this has happened before, and unfortunately it will probably happen again.  The only thing that made this different was that instead of just walking in and opening fire this young man sat with them, was given a place of honor as a visitor at the Pastor's right hand during the Bible study they shared, and then shot them in cold blood.

As I write this I am sitting in my own church surrounded by members and visitors of my church, friends and family.  Sitting here the real tragedy of Charleston occurs to me:  how many of the people who walked in these doors for the first time are going to be welcomed less warmly because of what that madman did?  Are the greeters at our doors going to be wary of them?  If I'm asking these questions all the way in Oregon, how are the members of "Mother Emmanuel" dealing with these questions this morning as they gather in the sanctuary to tell the world they will not be shaken or moved from that holiest of places?

Our churches are supposed to be safe.  Our culture uses the term "Sanctuary" to mean not just the place where the faithful meet, but also to refer to a state of safe passage free from attack.  For centuries holy ground has been a place of safety for people to meet and find peace.  For many of our children that assurance of safety has now been lost, and with it a part of their innocence we all would have preferred to have there forever.  Emmanuel AME is a proud church with a proud and storied past though.  This may be the first time you or I have had to think about these things but the history of the American South during the Civil War and even during the Civil Rights movement not only features Charleston, SC....it prominently featured this very church.  Look it up, you will be amazed at the history of this church you likely had never heard of before Wednesday night.  They walked on then, they'll walk on in faith now.  They'll pray hard.  We'll pray with them and for them, and just as he always has God will use all things according to his purpose.

 

My thoughts on "A Letter To Christians In Indiana, From Jesus"

This is a great take on the way Christianity has become politically and radically motivated in recent years, posed as a letter from Christ to his church.  As we begin what the Christian Church calls "Holy Week" I thought this would be a great article to share with you along with my thoughts, especially given recent court rulings and laws passed in Indiana and proposed in Arkansas and Massachusetts regarding religious beliefs and civil law.

Regardless of your faith, the mixture of religion and politics is dangerous to our system of government.  We can't make laws based on Christian values and then yell about communities imposing elements of Shariah law. Separation of Church and State is an all or nothing proposition, and our constitution clearly calls for total separation.

Those of you that know me well are very aware of how my faith influences my life, my family, and our view of the world.  While that also influences my political views and how I vote on various issues, I have never been one to try and force my beliefs on anyone.  To me it is something personal, a relationship as important to me as my marriage to Carrie, and one I work just as hard to maintain.  

Just like my marriage, if people come to me asking how my relationship with Jesus is still so alive and vital I have no problem talking about it.  I talk about my Dad's theory of "Personal Theology" that helped me shape my faith and find peace and comfort in churches of all denominations.  I talk about being asked to leave the first bible college I attended and how theological differences caused that conflict.  Above everything else though I talk about the peace and joy I feel in those quiet moments with Jesus....from worship on Sunday morning at church, to quiet talks with him at 2am when I just don't know how to deal with my teenage daughter, and from laying in a quiet forest staring up at the tree tops to receiving communion.

Our faith was intended to be something intensely personal, yet so transformative that those around us couldn't help but ask about it.  It shouldn't ever be something we feel a need to force on anyone.  If it is, we are doing it wrong.

It's a big week in a big year at our house....

As I write this post I'm waiting for Carrie to get home from work.  Yesterday marked the 10th anniversary of a judge signing paperwork making us parents of two amazing kids, and today marks our 15th wedding anniversary.  Just a couple of months ago we celebrated the fact that Carrie had reached the 5 year mark after surgery and was "officially" cancer free.  Carrie has a birthday coming in a few weeks and then less than a month from today I turn 40.  It's a big year around here.​

Adoption Day, March 3rd 2005

Looking back to where my life was 16 years ago I never could have predicted the twists and turns life would bring.  

I knew the first time I met Carrie that I was going to marry her.  It was April of 1999, and we met for dinner one evening after work.  We had met online and were getting together just as friends since we lived so close.  At the time neither of us was looking for a relationship, but in talking with so many couples over the years that's usually when God decides we are ready.

We both had busy work lives and finding time to get together was hard​, but convincing Carrie that I was worth making time for was harder.  Somehow I was the first guy this amazing woman had ever dated.  Less than a year later we were married, and in the words of Jerry Garcia "What a long strange trip it's been".

The fifteen years since have had amazing highs and heart breaking lows.  From the low of learning we couldn't have children to the high of adopting the two most amazing kids we could ever hope to have call us Mom and Dad.  From the torture of Her cancer diagnosis a week before Christmas to the joy of successful surgery and being declared cancer free five years later.  From the pleasure of seeing our kids grow from the broken kids they were when met them to the amazing Man and Woman they have become.  The loss of family members to disease and friends to time and distance. Through it all I have known the comfort and love that only she could bring to my life, knowing that God brought her to be the perfect anchor for me in the storm of life.​

Over the years I have had friends get married and have families, and heard numerous sermons preached on marriage and family by some amazing speakers.  I have heard people complain about traditional marriage vows that included "honor and obey" in the wife's vows and not the husbands, and even my Mother had questions about the words staying in our ceremony.  When Carrie and I talked about it she said something that has never left my mind.  I don't even know that she remembers saying it that night, but she said "If I had any doubt you would die for me like Jesus did I wouldn't be saying 'I do'.  If you can keep your vow I can keep mine."​

I have no idea what I did to deserve anything that life has brought my way, but as a great Rabbi once said to his student "I don't ask God 'Why Me' when the good things happen, what right do I have to ask 'why me' when the bad things happen?".​  

The only answer I need is that God brought her into my life 16 years ago because he knew I couldn't have made it to where he wants me to be without her.  

I don't think we are there yet, but I know we are closer than we have ever been.

Five years ago the world almost ended - Big Drew's View

Five years ago today Carrie came home from a doctor's appointment and said she needed to talk to me.  Those who have known me all of my life know I've been in some scary places, but I didn't know what fear felt like until my wife told me she had cancer that afternoon.  I didn't know what to do, but a song from my youth popped into my head, and it's lyrics never felt more appropriate.  Petra had a song in the late 1980s called "Get on your knees and fight like a man", and never did those lyrics make more sense than that night.

Somehow we made it through Christmas without telling the kids ( I can't remember how we managed that), through our individual breakdowns with family and friends.  We made it through the doctors appointments and surgery the same way we have made it through everything else life has thrown at us: together by the Grace of God.

When you are facing the ultimate test of faith and grace you learn a lot about yourself and those around you.  I learned two things.  First, I married Wonder Woman.  She beat cancer and came out the other side deciding to run marathons and finish college while still working full-time and not missing a beat.  The second thing I learned is that I don't know who I would be without her in my life, but I know it would be far less than I am.

Carrie completing a half marathon the summer after her cancer surgery.

In a few weeks she will be "Officially" Cancer Free, and we will celebrate with joy.  But this Christmas I wanted to make sure to that the world knew how thankful I was for the only gift I'll ever need:  my beautiful wife.

Carrie, the kids, and I this Thanksgiving