Time passes, life changes

Seventeen years ago today my life was a lot different than it is now, and what I thought my life would end up looking like bears no resemblance to current circumstances.  I was living in the house I grew up in down in Woodburn, OR back then.  I worked as a Tier 2 support representative for Dell computers and had just broken up with a long distance girl friend who lived in New Jersey.  The breakup had been rough enough on me that I was thinking leaving my job and becoming a monk at the Mt. Angel Abbey might be a good way for me to put my years of religious study to use. 

One year to the day later would find me waking up in a hotel room with my little brother the day before my wedding.  It was the kind of change only God could bring into reality.  I had met an amazing woman, my career had taken off and I was now managing technical support team I was part of the year before.  Carrie and I would be moving into the first home I would ever own instead of rent.  And still, on that day I had the audacity to think I knew what my future might hold.  Kids, career growth, I was thinking this was a sign it was all going to get better from here.  

Our Wedding party, March 4th 2000

Fast forward four years and life hasn't been what that 24 year old dreamed and planned for the day before his wedding.  We bought a new house to be closer to my job and I was later off a month later.  My dad went in for an angiogram and never made it out of the hospital after bypass surgery led to a fatal secondary infection.  The kids we had hoped would come right away doctors are telling us will never come.  The difference is now I'm not alone, I have an amazing wife, and we are resolved to follow the path God puts us on instead of worrying about what we don't have that we had anticipated and dreamed of. 

So 12 years ago today Carrie and I were in the hotel room she had booked for a romantic weekend to celebrate our 4th Anniversary.  Instead of celebrating we were pouring through hundreds of pages of case files, praying about whether a young brother and sister were supposed to be our kids.  One year to the day later, a process the State DFS worker told us takes 18-24 months was finished and a family court judge signed the papers changing their names and making them ours forever. 

Our family is official, with the Judge and DFS case worker

Fast forward 11 years and our lives have certainly changed and been stretched by these two amazing additions to our family.  That cute little boy, who came to us with reports from school that he had a hard time learning is about to graduate from High School with a better than 3.0 GPA.  His little sister, who we were warned had more severe learning issues and may always need occupational therapy starts her first job in 2 hours and will graduate next year.  Carrie is in LA today, but is flying all night to make it home so that we can celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary tomorrow.

Tonight, I get to take my son and daughter to dinner to celebrate another Adoption Day.

It's beginning to feel a lot like....Wednesday

This time of year is different for everyone I guess.  How we feel about the the "Holiday Season" is shaped pretty strongly by our past experiences, our childhood memories, and in some cases unfortunately family drama.  My Christmas memories are pretty full of all three to be honest, but it has always been a time of year when I was excited.  I was eager to see if I made the right gift choice for a loved one.  I was anticipating vacation time with the family, even if it just meant more time sitting home playing games or watching TV together.  I couldn't wait for the feast that was Christmas Dinner, and the traditions that came with it like my Mom's ambrosia salad or my Uncle's Strudel. 

This year the holidays are here, and it doesn't feel like I'm two days before Christmas.  We've got the tree up, but at this point we haven't even gotten any presents under it.  Carrie and I have gotten some of what we wanted to get for the kids this year, but have been so busy with critical issues over the last few weeks that shopping has fallen off the radar.   

Christmas dinner, a Fat Boy's holy meal holds no promise this year with a restricted diet eliminating 75% of the food I would be looking forward to on our dinner table.  If I was feeling better for it I probably wouldn't sound so resentful saying that, but after a week the digestive problems restrictions are supposed to be solving aren't improved and even more foods are being eliminated from my diet. 

Old friends and family are still grieving the loss of a close friend from my school days who's decline started around Thanksgiving and whom passed on December 4th.  As I write this my Mother-in-law is asleep in a chair at the hospital bedside of her husband, and I'm getting ready to head back to the hospital to join them while we try to find answers as to why my father-in-law who really has become "Dad" in the 16 years of my marriage had a series of seizures last night after several strokes in the last couple of months.  

With his condition as serious as it is I've spent much of the last two days preparing myself that he might not make it to Christmas.   I've had to hold volunteers together at the pantry we run as a family and church body, weighing keeping volunteers (who have become like family to all of us) informed, against the immediate family's need for SOME privacy and the need to keep things on track so that the more than 200 families that depend on is for food every week aren't adding food to their list of burdens this Christmas week. 

With all of this going on its easy to justify why the "Joy of the Season" seems to be in short supply.  Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers this week.  I'm heading back to the hospital, you have a Merry Christmas everyone.

Yesterday was an off day around here....

I said goodbye to an old friend yesterday.  In some ways it was exactly what I thought it would be.  Not much has changed in the funeral mass of the Catholic Church since the 2nd Vatican council approved the move to an English mass after all.

Other things  (mostly people), surprised me.  People who I never would have bet against making it were missing for a variety of reasons.  People I don't remember having a kind words for Packy in High School were crying like it was their son and not Tom and Sally's first born that was taken much too young.

I understand no one knows what to say all the time at these things.  I knew his mother just needed a lot of hugs, because she reached for one any time I was within arm's reach.  She also needed to know she wasn't losing all contact with us just because he was gone.  One thing I have come to realize over the years since high school is that there are some relationships that just ARE. I had not seen Sally in more than twenty years when I walked into that church yesterday, but the hug I received and the obvious thankfulness that I had made it there to be with the family didn't need explanation.  

With his Dad, who had lost his firstborn son and with whom I should have been able to empathize, I know I came off sounding like a freshman on one of his intro to journalism classes.  We had a strong student-teacher dynamic in school but it wasn't very deep or personal.  Why is the first thing we ask "How are you doing?" Or "Are you ok?"????  Shouldn't we know the answers to those two questions without opening our mouths and looking like morons?  We say them anyway, especially or maybe because we don't know what else to say when we know Ok is at a minimum weeks away, and there is still a lot of shock and grief for us all to work through before we can really know how we are coping with this loss.

On one side of the gymnasium we had a family clearly grieving.  Sisters, brothers, aunts, and uncles.  Among them were a scattering of good friends that either now or at various times in the past felt like part of the family.  We were standing around sharing stories about Patrick that made us laugh or cry.  Often stories that needed to be protected and remembered but not amplified by the PA system.  From this group came a stream of people to the microphone to share stories with a wider audience  about the amazing and complex person who the world had lost.

On the other side of the room were a lot of Packy's former classmates, probably some friends and associates from work.  Those who felt for whatever reason socially obligated to be there.  They hit the buffet line, and milled around in the corner furthest from the PA so there was less chance anyone would ask them to say a few words. 

We're all supposed to be adults now.  All around forty (some much older) with lives, jobs, and many of us with kids of our own.  Yet to hear half of the conversation my peers had today you would think they were still living in fraternity houses.  The number of people talking about parties I threw in the early '90s shocked me, and some of the best parts were my knowledge that the guy talking was no where near my party that night.  I hate to reduce myself to a variation on a pop culture reference that will be dated before most people read this post, but - Do you even funeral bro??

As things were winding down I was going to get together with some of the guys for some drinks and reality intruded.  My daughter started texting me about power flickering and water dripping from the ceiling. 

I get home and the dogs are barking, and product is waiting in boxes to be reviewed.  I opened the first and it's candy, and in my mood that works great.  It is a sample pack from a local confectionery we have reviewed before, The Candy Basket.  This sampler contains Red Velvet Fudge, Pecan Rolls, and Divinity.  All are done to perfection, and arrived fresh and soft to my door..  I can also confirm that they all pair well with both Teeling Irish Whiskey and Barterhouse 20yo Bourbon from the Orphan Barrel Collection that I also have sitting there needing to review.  I know, I have a hard job sometimes.

The sampler from The Candy Basket includes from left to right Divinity, Pecan Rolls, and Red Velvet Fudge  

I know it looks like a problem, but the flasks in this picture are water bottles from FRED Flask.  Look for a full review of them soon. 

The Teeling you've probably seen reviewed here before.  It is by far my favorite everyday Irish Whiskey and for good reason.  The sweetness it gains from its time in Caribbean rum casks truly set it apart.

Barterhouse is an extremely limited edition, bottled by hand from "Orphaned Barrels" 

The Barterhouse Orphan Barrel release is something that you don't find every day, and I am telling you right now, you better start looking.  Several barrels were found in the back corner of an old rickhouse outside of Tullahoma, KY after sitting forgotten for almost twenty years.  What begins on the nose as honey and biscuits along side faint hints of buttercream opens up into bold roasted grain, mellow toasted tobacco and marshmallow to compliment the subtle smoke from the barrel and finishes with hints of nutmeg and brown sugar.  Never have I tasted a bourbon that was at once as complex and as smooth, especially after twenty some years in the barrel.  I'm going to have to hunt some more down, because I don't want ever reach for this and find the bottle empty.

So, that was another day in Fat Boy Heaven.  Sorry if it started a little bit too personal and uncomfortable.  I've decided that the only way I can write is to actually engage my mind, that means sometimes the truth as I know it might hit your screen. 

My love, prayers, condolences, and thanks go out to the Eichsteadt/Mitcheltree clan.  We all shared in the joy and happiness Patrick brought into our lives, thank you again for allowing us to join you in saying goodbye.

Ve con Dios old friend. 

Remember last month when I said it was a big year?

I'm lying awake tonight, and as tired as I am after a full day working at The Pantry unloading trucks, stocking shelves, and then doing the other hundred things my father-in-law Alden and Mother-in-law Linda do there while they spent the bulk of their day at the hospital I'm not sure as we near two if sleep is possible tonight.

In about five hours my Father-in-law will enter a surgical OR for a valve and aortic replacement.  The surgeon will literally be replacing nearly a quarter of his heart!  This is major surgery, especially for a 75yo with long history of heart problems.   Ever since the aneurysm that necessitates this procedure was found six weeks ago as both a church body and a family we have been praying that God's will be done to heal him. All along we have felt reminded by the Spirit that sometimes God uses the hands of skilled surgeons in that healing. 

So here we are: In three hours the rest of the family will get Alden checked in while I am home praying and getting ready to go back into the Pantry to make sure that things continue to run smoothly there while waiting for news from that hospital 12 miles away. 

I spoke to Dad tonight for the last time before surgery and he fealt at peace with the surgery moving forward.  The entire family is concerned, obviously at different levels.

My feelings are hard to describe as I lay here writing this.   You see, a little over 13 years ago my father went in for open heart surgery.  30 days later we had lost him.  Part of me really wants to be at that hospital to support my wife and her family, but a big part of me feels guilty that I'm glad I don't have to face that tortuous wait again, because I know I'll spend most of it thinking of my Dad.

I know this is all in Gods hands.  I know the only practical solution is for me to rest and be ready to fill Alden's shoes at the pantry for the next few weeks while he recovers, especially tomorrow while everyone is adjusting to his absence.  Now if I could get my body to cooperate. 

If it comes to mind between 7:00am and 12:00pm PDT your prayers and positive thoughts would be greatly appreciated. 

My thoughts on "A Letter To Christians In Indiana, From Jesus"

This is a great take on the way Christianity has become politically and radically motivated in recent years, posed as a letter from Christ to his church.  As we begin what the Christian Church calls "Holy Week" I thought this would be a great article to share with you along with my thoughts, especially given recent court rulings and laws passed in Indiana and proposed in Arkansas and Massachusetts regarding religious beliefs and civil law.

Regardless of your faith, the mixture of religion and politics is dangerous to our system of government.  We can't make laws based on Christian values and then yell about communities imposing elements of Shariah law. Separation of Church and State is an all or nothing proposition, and our constitution clearly calls for total separation.

Those of you that know me well are very aware of how my faith influences my life, my family, and our view of the world.  While that also influences my political views and how I vote on various issues, I have never been one to try and force my beliefs on anyone.  To me it is something personal, a relationship as important to me as my marriage to Carrie, and one I work just as hard to maintain.  

Just like my marriage, if people come to me asking how my relationship with Jesus is still so alive and vital I have no problem talking about it.  I talk about my Dad's theory of "Personal Theology" that helped me shape my faith and find peace and comfort in churches of all denominations.  I talk about being asked to leave the first bible college I attended and how theological differences caused that conflict.  Above everything else though I talk about the peace and joy I feel in those quiet moments with Jesus....from worship on Sunday morning at church, to quiet talks with him at 2am when I just don't know how to deal with my teenage daughter, and from laying in a quiet forest staring up at the tree tops to receiving communion.

Our faith was intended to be something intensely personal, yet so transformative that those around us couldn't help but ask about it.  It shouldn't ever be something we feel a need to force on anyone.  If it is, we are doing it wrong.

It's a big week in a big year at our house....

As I write this post I'm waiting for Carrie to get home from work.  Yesterday marked the 10th anniversary of a judge signing paperwork making us parents of two amazing kids, and today marks our 15th wedding anniversary.  Just a couple of months ago we celebrated the fact that Carrie had reached the 5 year mark after surgery and was "officially" cancer free.  Carrie has a birthday coming in a few weeks and then less than a month from today I turn 40.  It's a big year around here.​

Adoption Day, March 3rd 2005

Looking back to where my life was 16 years ago I never could have predicted the twists and turns life would bring.  

I knew the first time I met Carrie that I was going to marry her.  It was April of 1999, and we met for dinner one evening after work.  We had met online and were getting together just as friends since we lived so close.  At the time neither of us was looking for a relationship, but in talking with so many couples over the years that's usually when God decides we are ready.

We both had busy work lives and finding time to get together was hard​, but convincing Carrie that I was worth making time for was harder.  Somehow I was the first guy this amazing woman had ever dated.  Less than a year later we were married, and in the words of Jerry Garcia "What a long strange trip it's been".

The fifteen years since have had amazing highs and heart breaking lows.  From the low of learning we couldn't have children to the high of adopting the two most amazing kids we could ever hope to have call us Mom and Dad.  From the torture of Her cancer diagnosis a week before Christmas to the joy of successful surgery and being declared cancer free five years later.  From the pleasure of seeing our kids grow from the broken kids they were when met them to the amazing Man and Woman they have become.  The loss of family members to disease and friends to time and distance. Through it all I have known the comfort and love that only she could bring to my life, knowing that God brought her to be the perfect anchor for me in the storm of life.​

Over the years I have had friends get married and have families, and heard numerous sermons preached on marriage and family by some amazing speakers.  I have heard people complain about traditional marriage vows that included "honor and obey" in the wife's vows and not the husbands, and even my Mother had questions about the words staying in our ceremony.  When Carrie and I talked about it she said something that has never left my mind.  I don't even know that she remembers saying it that night, but she said "If I had any doubt you would die for me like Jesus did I wouldn't be saying 'I do'.  If you can keep your vow I can keep mine."​

I have no idea what I did to deserve anything that life has brought my way, but as a great Rabbi once said to his student "I don't ask God 'Why Me' when the good things happen, what right do I have to ask 'why me' when the bad things happen?".​  

The only answer I need is that God brought her into my life 16 years ago because he knew I couldn't have made it to where he wants me to be without her.  

I don't think we are there yet, but I know we are closer than we have ever been.

Five years ago the world almost ended - Big Drew's View

Five years ago today Carrie came home from a doctor's appointment and said she needed to talk to me.  Those who have known me all of my life know I've been in some scary places, but I didn't know what fear felt like until my wife told me she had cancer that afternoon.  I didn't know what to do, but a song from my youth popped into my head, and it's lyrics never felt more appropriate.  Petra had a song in the late 1980s called "Get on your knees and fight like a man", and never did those lyrics make more sense than that night.

Somehow we made it through Christmas without telling the kids ( I can't remember how we managed that), through our individual breakdowns with family and friends.  We made it through the doctors appointments and surgery the same way we have made it through everything else life has thrown at us: together by the Grace of God.

When you are facing the ultimate test of faith and grace you learn a lot about yourself and those around you.  I learned two things.  First, I married Wonder Woman.  She beat cancer and came out the other side deciding to run marathons and finish college while still working full-time and not missing a beat.  The second thing I learned is that I don't know who I would be without her in my life, but I know it would be far less than I am.

Carrie completing a half marathon the summer after her cancer surgery.

In a few weeks she will be "Officially" Cancer Free, and we will celebrate with joy.  But this Christmas I wanted to make sure to that the world knew how thankful I was for the only gift I'll ever need:  my beautiful wife.

Carrie, the kids, and I this Thanksgiving